I want to be a child again, I want my grandma to braid my hair and tell me her wonderful, wonderful stories.
I’ve had the same tumblr theme for the last three years, it’s time for a change.
The only thing is, I didn’t know it would be this hard.
I’ve been searching for themes, tweaking html, which I know nothing about, and doing god knows what for the second day in a row. To no avail.
Why am I always so lonely, so lost, always feeling abandoned, rejected, isolated. I feel like a sulky teenager again, possibly because I just never grew out of that phase. Which frankly is pathetic. I know that it’s all in my head, but that particular thought doesn’t make it any easier.
I feel so let down by certain people, so lonely. I guess we’re still all alone in the end.
With this illusion of understanding people give you hope that everything will be okay, they try to help you, but if don’t succeed right away, just get tired and leave, it’s always the same.
This fake understanding is even worse than unwillingness to understand and sympathize at all. In the end everyone makes everything about themselves.
My life’s been such a mess lately, mainly self-induced mess. So, I deserve it.
I desperately need to change something, start doing something new.
And well, because I have no will to deal with bigger things, and also because it’s been something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now, I decided to start with trivial matters: organizing my room, clothes, jewellery etc.
Maybe by cleaning out my room, I’ll clean out my mind in the process.
Problem is, I hope I won’t stop midway through and leave it unfinished, as I do with everything I touch.
So yes, this was my little self-deprecating rant. I hope you’re all happy and doing well.
It’s almost six a.m. where I am, and it’s snowing.
How could I forget how beautiful moments like these could be, it’s nearly dawn, everything is still, silent and beautiful.
I look out my window and there’s nobody there, only trees, cars and rooftops covered in white, all I can see is snow falling, and nothing else, nobody else.
I know it’s gonna be a mess in the morning, life always is, but right now it’s just perfect. Just right.
Why is that, one moment you’re free of this terrible feeling that is gripping your heart, and you can breathe again, and you feel free again and then, the next moment.. it all comes back. And it’s even bigger, even darker and much more terrible than it ever was before.